The first of many coffee confessions

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The other day I stopped cleaning, and watched as Evie played quietly on the floor. Her focus, on whatever she was doing, was so strong. She wasn’t distracted by my hectic cleaning methods, or her crazy sisters. I stoped and watched. I remembered softly holding onto the sides of her squishy arms, encouraging her to take those first few steps. I remember longing to see her face, her excitement. She staggered around for three, maybe four steps and would topple onto her cushioned diapered bottom. For days her steps started out slow and hesitant, only to gain momentum and eagerness as time moved forward. Before I could stop it, my little girl was running in every direction. Even at the young age of 4, I am struggling to watch my first baby essentially “leave me” to begin school. It is mid March, and I am sad thinking about fall when Evie will start preschool. I know that it is the beginning of a new phase in her life, and a new phase in mine. My baby is no longer a baby, and no longer just mine. I must share her with the world. I feel helpless to protect her from all the evil I see each day, but hope that as she continues to grow everything i do will represent a kind, loving way to approach the worlds hardships. Childhood independence is a sign that all of my love, and all of my nurturing has paid off. My child feels safe enough to start taking risks and venture out into this new and exciting world. I’ve resisted starting preschool, and felt that motherhood was unfair. Your blessed with this beautiful soul to care for. This baby needs everything from you. You spend a few short years being their everything, only for them to turn and seemingly run away from you. Just as when she was learning to walk, I must watch from behind. “The practicing toddler moves from safety and warmth to excitement and discovery.” (Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend) She leaves my side smiling, excited, and confident because she knows that I will always be here encouraging her from behind. #athomewithjulie #coffeeconfessions#momof3

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