I spent some time yesterday reading other mom-blogs, scimming through pinterest and instagram. I struggled to feel connected with any of the new pages I found. So many of the women were beautiful, stylish, and crafty. They made these gourmet meals and excersised to maintain their pefect figures. All of their kids are perfectly dressed, with cute hair style and clean faces.
My main goal in this search was to help find a focus, find a way to make my page applicable to real life and reach across a broad audience. The women on these pages are beautiful, and lead wonderful lives. My life is not so perfect, not always wonderful, not always so clean, but it is still beautiful in its imprefections. I guess my point of todays post is if you’ve come here for a new recipe, come here for fashion/ style tips, or craft ideas; you’ve come to the wrong place. This blog is about how I lead a completely messy, hectic, sometimes great, sometimes not so great REAL life; without feeling less than because of it. My children will always have messy faces, most, if not all, will probably be missing their pants. I will have had too much coffee, I will still have yesterday’s make up on, and I will still be wearing the clothes I slept in last night. When my stars all align I’m able to snap a few pictures of the girls all sitting together and feel a little better about how much I have “my shit together”.
My blog is still a sweet little newborn, just days old. My writing, relative to my life isn’t new, but really in the big picture my life is a raindrop in a giant mess mudd puddle. I am 26, a very young mother of three. I am still learning and discovering how this world works myself, but now I am tasked with the giant responsability of showing three other people how it works too.
In recent years, I’ve learned that in order to make a real connection with someone else I have to be painstakingly honest. Honest with others about my faults and failures, my fears and dislikes, and then, the hardest of all, I have to be honest with myself. We can be sitting in a room full of people; strangers, friends, family; and still feel completely alone. When someone asks us how things are going, we tell them about all the good things we’ve got going on. If we hide within ourselves deep enough, we can avoid ever really making a connection. A lot of my childhood was less than ideal. I’ve learned that while on the surface I managed, and I’ve made it to this point succesfully, now I have to relearn how to be with people. I am in a marriage with a wonderful man, with whom I know I can be myself, but because of the years I’ve hid, some days I am distant and quiet. This is not a protection from him, but from myself. Life is getting too good, I’m feeling too loved. He now has too much access.
Walls are good, but there should be a door that you can unlock. For me, writing is my door. Each day, I’m going to open my door for a short time and let the real me out. The vulnerable, un-polished me.
So today, I encourage you all to try. I am going to have a real connection with someone. Instead of telling Sean about one little perfect story that happened today with my kids, I’m going to tell them about the 99% of the rest of the day, that SUCKED. I am going to be honest about how hard it was, how much I wanted to wave the white flag and surrender. I want to confess how often I considered how much faster I can run then them ; they couldn’t catch me, I could surely get away. Feeling over worked, stressed, inadequate, worried, anxious, angry, sad, lonely… This is what we all have in common. Sure, I was happy today, i’m blessed beyond belief, but today my happiness was accompanied by a lot of not so glamourous friends. I am not advocating that everyone whine, or spend all day in a negative place. I am simply encouraging you to spend ten minutes venting, take a deep breath, hug someone, and then move forward in your day and in your life.