To all the moms waking up for the first time today as a mom, welcome to the beginning of your amazing journey with your baby. You are most likely feeling tired, scared, sore, and maybe worried. You are doing an amazing job, and you are now that little baby’s favorite person.
I remember the exact moment I found out I was going to be a mother. I was twenty years old, dating Sean, practically living in his house on College Street. I worked at Gap as the shipment supervisor unloading trucks at 5 in the morning. I hadn’t been feeling well lately and one night after hanging out with my sisters I thought I would just rule out the possibility. I was certain the test would be negative, and I could go to the doctor prepared with a list of symptoms and confidence that it wasn’t a tiny parasite. I went back to Sean’s house while he was working at a bar down the road. In his disgusting boy bathroom with no toilet paper I peed on a stick. I don’t think I’d even finished peeing before those two pink lines appeared. It was like a punch to the gut. Kids were a part of my future, but when did the future become now? This was way too soon. How could I possibly bring a baby into my world when I’m sitting on a toilet with beer bottles on the water tank and some one-night stands thong on the floor? I sobbed, wept for my baby, wept for Sean, and wept for myself.
Life is full of moments we plan for, and full of moments we do not. I had not planned to get pregnant that young. We had taken all the precautions you are supposed to take. I was on birth control, but as we learned at a later doctor appointment “That pill has been found to be ineffective”. Sean and I laughed, out loud, at the doctor. Really? You don’t say. Shouldn’t we be able to sue or something? Hey, you pay for this baby then.
Nonetheless, finding out about little Evie was scary, but once the initial shock wore off, I was confident in one thing. I would love this baby in all the ways I wished I had been loved. She would be my everything. I knew I would mess up diaper changes, Iwouldn’t know how to swaddle correctly. I may not know how to soothe her every time she cried. I might mess up this breast-feeding thing. I might answer her cries when I should put her down. There was no doubt that I would mess up a whole lot along the way. But I decided I would take all of this fear and turn it into love. No matter how it played out between Sean and I, no matter how many mistakes I would make, this baby would be loved.
I’d never imagined a future like the one I now have. I am so beyond blessed to have become a mother three times over. I am so blessed to have made it through all of this with Sean still by my side. He is a man unlike any other. We both have transformed over these five years. Sometimes, when we least expect it, life just happens. Something that we weren’t expecting, never planned for, didn’t think we wanted; is given to us. We were meant to experience it. Our path was meant to change. I was meant to be a mother.
I am so excited to see what else goes unplanned in my life.
Congratulations Courtney and Jim York who welcomed baby girl Zetta Grace on Thursday. She is beautiful and very lucky to have you both as her parents. Enjoy every second, the good, the bad, and the shitty (the actually shitty moments, when you are covered in shit…) Ask for help when you need it. Love each other as you grow and change through parenthood. I am so excited for you both!
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