Last night we took the girls to get an ice cream cone after Evie’s first Cheerleading practice (yes I said cheerleading how cute).As the big girls were finishing up their cones I snuck out to the car to nurse Livie in peace. She’s become so distracted by the world around her lately that I often have to sneak off somewhere quiet just to get her to latch. I crossed my right leg over my left, unsnapped the right side of my nursing tank, and looked down at my gorgeous baby.
She nursed for a couple minutes just like she always does. I looked down into her hazel eyes and noticed she had started to smile. Normally her gaze falls directly on me, but this time she was looking up. Further up then me. 
I’m not sure what I believe, and honestly what I believe today is probably totally different than what I did last week and what I will next week. In that moment though, I felt like she was smiling at someone else. Smiling back at someone looking down on us. I’ve felt this a lot in the last five years since my Grandpa’s passing. 
I miss him when I succeed, because he was always the proudest. I miss him when I struggle, because he always knew what to say. I miss him when I look at my girls, oh he would have loved them so. 
There have been many smiles my girls have shared with someone just above me. I like to think he is most proud of me as a mom, and the girls and him smile back and forth in an exchange of blissful familiar love. He left just before Evie was born, almost as if he had to go to guide them down to me. I see his beautiful smile in them, his stubborn attitude, and his undeniable ability to brighten any room in each of my girls. 
I looked up, following her line of sight out of the windshield and up to a beautiful American flag blowing in the wind. Hi Grampy, I love you too. 

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