It happened as fast as turning on a light. Our sweet, silly, easy going baby Millie turned into what we now call Millie Monster. She was no longer so sweet, and by no means was she easy going. When we brought Millie and Evie to the hospital to meet their new baby sister Livie, I watched as Millie’s demeanor changed right before my eyes. I can only imagine what her young mind was thinking, what she was able to even comprehend. But quite literally, over night she went from being momma’s little baby girl, to a big sister. We had just celebrated her first birthday one week prior to her sister’s arrival. She wasn’t even walking independently yet, but she was forced to walk into this new role.
As I cradled her new sister in my arms, she climbed onto my lap and tried to push her way back into her place as the baby of the family. I remember thinking oh Millie, she doesn’t even realize her sister is real, she will love her as soon as we get home.
Wrong. So wrong. I was so naïve to think that Millie would even remotely like her sister. Just because Evie loves the role of big sister, I assumed Millie would. Instead, I’ve spent the last almost ten months trying to keep Millie from taking her baby sister out. She pokes her in the eye. She sits on top of her. She pushes her down. She kicks her. She sits at my feet screaming and crying for attention any time I’m holding Liv.
I’ve struggled to maintain my sanity in this house since Livie arrived. I spread myself as thin a possible providing as much love as I can for each of my girls. I make sure each day that I spend some alone time with each of them; even if some days it’s only 10 minutes a piece. I make sure each day that I hug each of them. I make sure each day that I tell them all I love them, and I love who they are.
Yesterday we were all on the floor in the living room playing when I looked over and saw Millie tickling Livie. The light switched again. Millie was gentle, and genuinely smiling while trying to make her sister laugh. I started to day dream about all of the fun the two of them would have together. I thought about how much of a blessing it is to have a sister so close in age. I remembered how hard the last 10 months have been sighed with relief that it might be over. Millie might be over hating her sister just for being here. I might be able to leave the two of them in a room for longer than a minute without having to rush back in because Millie is stepping on Liv’s face.
Oh wait. There I go being naïve again.
This it just the beginning.
Eh fuck it, let me enjoy my sweet thoughts for now.
They’re best friends!
Well, even if they’re not.. we are making progress.